Twitter Shares Phrases They Only Ever Hear In Meetings And They're Hilarious
By Mark PygasUpdated Oct. 3 2018, 8:35 p.m. ET
Workplaces are like their own countries. They have arbitrary limits, rules known as contracts, hierarchical structures, and of course, they have their own languages.
When I studied linguistics as an undergrad, we learned about places like offices and their own structures and whatever as "sociolinguistics," which Wikipedia defines as "descriptive study of the effect of any and all aspects of society, including cultural norms, expectations, and context, on the way language is used, and society's effect on language."
If you regularly attend meetings at work, you'll know that boardrooms have their own vocabulary. You'll never hear words like "synergy" outside of those four walls. Adam Hess, an Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated comedian from the United Kingdom, knows this all too well.
He recently took to Twitter to point out that you'll never hear a certain phrase outside of work meetings. That phrase? "It's just about finding that balance."
Took 28 years to realise that no matter what the meeting is about, if you randomly chime in with 'it's just about finding that balance' people will always agree.
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) March 21, 2018Too real. And that's not the only phrase people could think of.
A double-edged sword is definitely an object that only exists in offices.
Similarly, I find “It’s a double edged sword” works well.
— Jon Sutton (@jonmsutton) March 21, 2018If you "remain true to those core values," you'll get a guaranteed promotion.
"Its about remaining true to those core values"
— Sechaba Motloli (@realwillowtree) March 24, 2018Honestly, when you take a step back, it's all achieving a more holistic approach in grasping the bigger picture.
"let's take a step back"
— Ochezie (@ikeh10) March 23, 2018Another winner: We need an holistic approach here.
— Jen (@Wrightlines) March 23, 2018Just stop the whole meeting to explain to me, What even is an action point?!
Just stop the whole meeting and say 'this needs an action point.' Done. Promotion.
— Engteach (@helpmeout66) March 23, 2018“Let’s see what happens going forward”
— James (@Lookmxn_) March 23, 2018I think that if we look at this through a commercial lens then we can effectively square the circle (someone actually said this in a meeting last week, I literally had no idea what they meant)
— great aunt wunjot (@wunjot) March 23, 2018Ah yes, the strange circle-square shape they kept from us in kindergarten. Like, what is anyone even talking about anymore?
Another guy shared his opinion of a vacation:
Just heard "postcard commitment" from a high level manager and I have no idea what that means.
— DoRayMeFarTed (@DoRayMeFarTed) March 23, 2018It’s really about synergizing backward overflow
— Paul Rabenowitz (@paulrabenowitz) March 22, 2018We get it.
"We have to think carefully about this"
"There's no easy solution"
"We need a plan"
— Michael Seto (@MCSeto) March 23, 2018But what does that *look like*?
— Harry Rose (@Harry_Rose) March 23, 2018Also "We all have the same goal, just different ways of getting there."
— J Walkup (@jwalkup) March 22, 2018“But will it scale?”
— Scott Hanselman (@shanselman) March 25, 2018'We need to think outside the box' 😀
— HK (@HasinNoComment) March 25, 2018Don't you dare think inside the box, I say.
And then this other guy chimes in to add the classic "Let's put pen to paper" remark. But boss, I only have my laptop.
“Let’s put pen to paper”
— Build A Star (@buildastarpromo) March 25, 2018This😊➖we need to workshop it
— Evelyne Ogutu (@EveOgutu) March 23, 2018Anything with the phrase "laser focused".
A well placed, "it's important that it drives results."
— M. Diesel (@DgtlChocolate) March 25, 2018"At the end of the day" always works well for me because it is really hard to figure out when the end of the day actually is.
— Dennis Schaal (@denschaal) March 25, 2018Too real.
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